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Kenneth Cleaver 

Consumer Correspondent

Gap Inc. One Harrison St. San Francisco, CA 94105

Dear Gap Inc.:

I understand that the Gap is named after the infamous "generation gap" that plagued our great nation in the turbulent '60s. With the advent of baby gap and Gapkids it appears that the Gap Inc. is taking the proper steps to prevent future generational schisms.

As a young man in my 20s, it would be of tremendous psychological comfort to know that the Gap will not forget me, or my marketing demographic, when I slip into my golden years. That is why I propose Granny Gap! Don't get me wrong, the store will not just be for those golden girls; Granny Gap's brother store will be either Grand Olde Gap or Gappity Gramps! I haven't yet decided, but when I do you'll be the first to know.

One of the central problems associated with aging is the loss of our masculine/feminine edge. Our seniors have been drowning in a sea of asexual androgyny for years. Where is it written that old is unhip? Why must the fashion world forsake this generation to identity-plagued youth markets? Have your researchers investigated the fashion implications of the Viagra Revolution? I didn't think so.

Since the Gap Inc. has been in the forefront of unambiguous gender guidelines and stratification, it should also be pioneering into the conservation of markets. Just as we as a culture are preserving our natural resources and feeling really bad about colonialism, so too should we salvage the senior citizen from the indignities of discount retail chains. For not only are broader markets more sustaining and profitable, but this revolutionary market crusade has the potential to truly bridge that famous gap. I would not recommend changing your name to The Bridge. Let's work together on this. Long live Granny Gap.

Your friend, Kenneth Cleaver

Mr. Kenneth Cleaver 33 Upland Road South Bedford, NY 10506

Dear Mr. Cleaver:

Thank you for your letter. It's good to hear that you're already campaigning for your own enhanced senior citizenship. We do feel we've done a pretty good job outfitting customers of all ages and, of course, we'll do our best to be responsive to changing tastes and trends in this continually competitive and challenging business. Your encouragement is appreciated and we hope you'll continue to enjoy shopping with us for years to come.

Sincerely, Christie Allair, Corporate Communications

From the June 28-July 4, 2001 issue of the Northern California Bohemian.

© Metro Publishing Inc.

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